Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Bunch of Whoppers

I love the Whopper Virgins campaign. It's cringeworthy stuff, but you can't help admire the creative team that sat around, blue-sky thinking, and came up with: "I know! Let's, like, take a Burger King Whopper and, like, give it to some Eskimos and shit. It'll be, like, awesome."

As I'm an extremely suggestible consumer, I enjoyed the viral video so much that I thought I go get myself a Whopper tonight. Please note, it was 10.30pm, I was drunk and I'd had no dinner. It seemed like a good idea.

Here's my reaction, having not had a Whopper since 1994 (and therefore my views are as valid as a Romanian farmer 'having a hamburger for the first time'):

The thing smelled like rotten lamb, but with the texture of dried dog food mixed with hamster faeces. The bread was hard and sweet, with slightly less taste than the insulating foam I just sprayed in the air gap around my new patio doors. The 'salad' was soggy, covered in mayonnaise that was off, and was worryingly brown.

I'm off to make myself sick. Don't believe the hype.